I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize