i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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