he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I believe in your delicious
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
