Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
