the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
