I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
