you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
