I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
