Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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