cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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