Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
