Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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