so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
