5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
