I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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