So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
