genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
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