So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
