Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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