come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
