You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize