She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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