it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
that's an acceptable place to lick
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
