He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
