overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
