His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
