Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize