By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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