non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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