It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize