I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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