Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
