if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
