So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
