soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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