the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
