i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
