I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
