Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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