Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
