we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
pop tarts are not kleenex
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
