Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
