Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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