five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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