it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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