Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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