Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
