I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
