we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
