I love black thongs
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
