babies were throwing up all over the place
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
