When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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