kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
