you guys were way drunker than both of me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
