there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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