somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we're making bets on your personal life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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