Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
