Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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