the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
