no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
