I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
