So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
