just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize