dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
